Easy Button
by RebeccaRoy
Summary: Magical Easy Buttons and Sirius Black do not mix. There is a reason for this, a really good reason.


_Disclaimer:_

_I do not own the characters of Harry Potter, these belong to that wonderful author JK Rowling and the various publishing companies used to publish her works. Neither do I own the characters of X-Files or 1013 or companies used to produce their works. I am however borrowing them, no not to make money but for fun and fun only. _

_Summary:_

_Magical Easy Buttons and Sirius Black do not mix. There is a reason for this, a really good reason._

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The Staples ® easy button is a benign muggle invention purely as a gag/ advertising device. However, like many US based companies there is a magical side to the store and they sell things to the magical world too. It was why someone thought it would be a great idea to introduce the easy button to the magical world. It was suppose to help the magical world get the office supplies they needed, and there were lots of different features to make shopping even easier!

It was a good idea, a great idea in fact.

However one man, a tall stocky man with near black hair and gray eyes ruined it. This wizard's name was Sirius Orion Black II and from looking at him you would not think he could ruin such a splendid plan. Yet he did. He looked every bit the noble English lord he was, his long shaggy hair was tied back from his tanned skin, he had a neatly trimmed goatee and he favored jeans, heavy motorcycle boots and leather jacket and tee shirts, okay so maybe he looked more rogue than lord. Anyway he was poking around Hogwarts when he found the amazing red easy button and his eyes went wide with awe.

Seated in the same room that Sirius was in was his long suffering friend (who deserves a knighthood, order of Merlin, sainthood and purple heart for putting up with him) Remus Lupin. He was a short man clad in a simple suit of brown tweed, his tawny hair was flecked with gray and he had a neatly trimmed mustache and blue eyes that were fixed on his friend studying the button with amazement. He said words that never should be said to anyone dealing with such a wonder as the easy button, most notably Sirius Black.

"Sirius do not press that." Remus Lupin said.

"Why not, what could possibly go wrong?" Sirius asked pressing it, at once a desk the size of a deck of cards appeared. "That was brilliant!"

"Yes, very nice now you had your fun, that costs money you know." Remus said getting up to take the button from his friend who held it out of his reach, "put it down."

"But I will not break it! You worry too much!" Sirius said pressing the button again, a typewriter appeared next, "wow I need one of these!"

That was the end of all sanity (if there ever had been any in the first place) in the head of Sirius Black. He kept pressing the button and cheered as he saw office supplies appear each time he pressed the button. When Remus tried to summon the button from his friend with his wand Sirius ran out the door and continued to press the button. He ran down the hall and one could see where he went as pens, reams of paper, binders, pencils, staplers, staples, three ringed binders, highlighters, quills, parchment, sticky notes, post-it notes, calendars, little bags of coffee, tins of powdered creamer and soap followed him out the castle and onto the grounds.

What happened next would go down in history as "the day of the easy button plague" and it was all Sirius Black's fault. He went first to Hogsmeade and found if he held the button down it rained office supplies, this was a disaster for many people as they had to duck the falling office supplies, one poor dear ended up buried under whiteout. He went to Diagon Alley and left the alley a foot deep in all manner of office supplies, the minster, a tall stocky fellow with a mane of tawny hair, yellow eyes behind small round glasses clad in black robes waded through the mess of pens, paper, quills, ink, post-it notes and coffee creamer looking for the culprit.

"Whoever did this will pay dearly!" Rufus Scrimgeour said.

"It was Sirius Black." Someone shouted.

"He is headed to Leeds I wager!" Another added helpfully.

"Get the net, we have to capture him and stop this madness!" Scrimgeour said brushing a pack of post-it notes off his shoulder.

Meanwhile Sirius was visiting every magical place he could, and he left office supplies in his wake. Yet all good things must come to an end as Staples noticed its inventory disappearing at an alarming rate and contacted their English division to see what was going on. They did not think, at first to just turn the button off (unlike the muggle ones they could turn off the magical ones as needed). So Sirius was able to run amuck through all the British Isles. He was on top of Big Ben when the Aurors caught up to him about to bestow office supplies on the muggle world. I am not sure what would have happened had he succeeded and how the magical world would deal with that fallout.

Fortunately it never happened, the people at Staples ® finally turned off the button and sent out teams to clear out their product from the magical places. Sirius was in very real trouble but as he was a war hero, and well known as insane all the minster could do was beat him with a rolled up newspaper. This was the end of the magical Staples Easy Button ®. But not the muggle one, and Sirius managed to get his hands on the muggle one. He had it exactly thirty seconds before Remus Lupin took from him and chucked it in the lake.

The End


End file.
